by Kathryn Stone for Jomo Club
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
And then I came creeping in, trying not to disturb the house from its slumber. Everything was going very nicely until…
“Thwack!” I bumped straight into the door handle and then…
“Ouchie, ouch, sugar plum fairy!” As I stubbed my toe on the fireplace.
“Crash, bang!” As I tripped over the fairy lights in the Christmas tree.
You see, the thing is, Christmas Eve is my busiest day of the year. I fly around the world, visiting every single house. And in every house that I visit, people very kindly leave me out a tipple to drink and a mince pie.
Now, it would be churlish to refuse a gift. Can you imagine the upset if the children woke up in the morning and didn’t find an empty glass by the fireplace? Unimaginable. So I have to do my job!
But as Christmas Eve goes on, it becomes increasingly hazardous! The more I’ve had to drink, the more difficult it is to find the right chimney, bring down the right gifts, creep through the house and not injure myself or knock down any Christmas decorations.
It is starting to get embarrassing! I’ve heard the reindeer talking behind my back, and to be perfectly honest with you, I am starting to get concerned. Drink driving a laden sleigh is a serious matter!
Luckily, the sky isn’t too busy on Christmas Eve. But it would be awfully embarrassing if the paparazzi caught sight of the sleigh weaving through the sky after that first few glasses of port and sherry. I can imagine the headlines now:
Tis the Season to be Sherry!
Oh Deer! Santa and Brew-Dolph Sleighed Again!
Now, I want to be clear, I do really appreciate the kindness everyone shows me by leaving out snacks and drinks to feed me on my way, but I do think it’s time that I started to drink a little more mindfully.
And this is where you come in! In the last few years, Mrs Claus and the reindeer have been encouraging me to research a few of these new alcohol-free drinks, and, whilst I was a little unsure at first, I have taste-tested a few, and they are definitely Santa-quality drinks: delicious and very warming! Lots of ginger, chilli and spices! Definitely in the Christmas spirit!
So, I am writing this letter to ask you if you would consider leaving me something alcohol-free this year instead of whisky or sherry: a little alcohol-free ginger spirit*, some Ruby Aperitif, Christmas Pudding spirit*… anything you fancy, as long as it is warming and Christmassy. If we stick to alcohol-free alternatives, I can drink mindfully, drive safely, distribute everyone’s presents, and still look after my elf!
And, on that note…
Santa really can only deliver once a year; it’s such a big undertaking, you know! However, if you sign up for a JOMO subscription box, you receive all sorts of gifts direct to your door all year round. Mrs Claus and I signed up last year after I had a particularly bad Christmas day hangover... and we’ve been loving it.
Every month, we receive a bottle of alcohol-free spirit, mixers, garnishes and a snack. On top of that, we also receive a great selection of ready-to-drink alcohol-free beverages – we often take these on our summer picnic sleigh rides! There is even a magazine that explains the drinks and offers tips on mixing them. The elves and I have been inspired for Christmas stockings for grown-ups this year – and we’ve thoroughly enjoyed taste testing so many new drinks.
That was a tangent, but anyway, I just wanted to thank you in advance for being so considerate! The reindeer, Mrs Claus and I couldn’t be more excited about the prospect of celebrating our first alcohol-free Christmas!
Father Christmas x
Get 30% off subscriptions with code JOMO30 at jomoclub.co.uk and have a Christmas to remember with JOMO.
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